October 29, 2016

RKDiaries - Cucian Piring dan Oktober 2016 Saya (Pemaknaan Asrama Oktober 2016)

winonsky.sunnypillow

Setiap piket publik ataupun dorms’ day, masalah utama yang akan dihadapi oleh seorang Tiara angkatan 8 hanyalah satu: cucian piring.

Ada aja Tiara yang lupa buat nyuci piring.

Suka heran sama situasi seperti itu. Tiap kebagian piket wastafel dan tempat cuci piring pasti ada aja mulu nyeletuk macam “ya Allah aku sayang Tiara karena Allah tapi kenapa susah amat buat mereka cuci piring ya Allah”, “ya Robbi mereka keluarga saya ya Allah saya harus ikhlas”, “ikhlas, Win, ikhlas”, “pahala Win nyuciin piring orang”, “abis ini makan cokelat ya”, atau apapun itu yang terkadang terdengar sedih, menyakitkan, atau hiburan ala kadarnya dari diri saya sendiri untuk diri saya juga.

Gimana, ya. Tinggal nyuci piring doang gitu loh. Gak nyampe sejam. Sepuluh menit juga enggak (kalau misalnya cucian piring dia gak numpuk). Seberapa susahnya sih, Tiaraku yang kusayang hingga surge Allah nantinya. Seberapa susahnya.

Akan tetapi, pasti otak ini selalu berlaku adil pada setiap situasi yang saya alami.

Entahlah ini penyakit manusia yang terlalu objektif atau terlalu relatable atau terlalu empatik atau terlalu kontradiktif. Sebut saja semau kalian karena memang sifat saya yang terlalu mudah paham perasaan orang lain dan mengubah sudut pandang saya yang dengan sangat cepat ini yang selalu menjadi penengah dari sikap saya yang terkadang terlanjur one-sided terhadap suatu hal.

Tapi saya mau pengakuan dosa dulu: saat bulan pertama saya di asrama, saya gak pernah cuci piring. Gak pernah.

Jadi disini saya pun akhirnya merefleksikan diri saya dan Tiara yang gak sempet cuci piring itu. Saya telaah kembali kenapa mereka bisa gak cuci piring. Apakah karena mereka merasa akan ada Tiara lain yang mencucikan seperti apa yang saya pikirkan dua bulan yang lalu? Apakah mereka terburu-buru dan lupa untuk mencuci piring karena dikejar deadline tugas atau kuliah pagi seperti saya dahulu juga? Apakah mereka terlanjur nyaman dengan suasana asrama sehingga mereka bersikap seenaknya? (enggak, saya kalau dirumah rapih kok jadi yang ini gak kayak saya juga)

Saya selalu mencoba memahami tiap kejadian yang diberikan oleh Allah SWT kepada saya dari sisi yang berbeda. Alhamdulillah, bulan Oktober ini merupakan bulan terpadat saya selama saya kuliah di FKM tiga semester ini. Ada acara puncak dari Penerimaan Mahasiswa Baru 2016 yaitu Pariwisata Islami (Paris) 2016 selama 3 hari. Setelah Paris 2016, dua sabtu depannya pun saya sibuk dengan Bakti Sosial Pas OKK (Bakpao) FKM UI 2016. Di minggu terakhir Oktober ini pun saya mulai mengejar ketertinggalan saya dalam materi UTS karena akhirnya FKM telah memasuki hari-hari UTS yang sangat panjang. Tidak lupa juga saya harus belajar lebih untuk lomba OIM kuis demi mengharumkan nama FKM dalam ajang lomba adu kepintaran se-UI.

Produktif ya?

Saya harap sih begitu.

Kenyataannya, beda.

Oktober 2016 ini justru saya sering sakit. Saya sering nge-drop karena badan yang terlalu sering dipaksakan untuk begadang dan melakukan hal-hal lainnya. Setiap hari saya selalu pergi keluar dari asrama RK dan pulang malam-malam mendekati jam malam dari asrama Tiara. Saya di RK buat tidur dan acara asrama doang. Jarang banget menetap di asrama. Jarang banget. Efek kelas pagi dan aktivitas non-akademis yang selalu menuntut perhatian lebih.

Wah, branding saya di FKM sangat baik, loh. Saya tidak ingin jemawa atau bersikap sombong, namun manusia FKM sangat senang ketika mereka melihat saya masih berkeliar malam-malam di FKM buat latihan kuis. Mereka senang melihat saya berurusan dengan mahasiswa baru ketika rapat intervensi. Mereka senang ketika saya bercerita mengenai kesibukan saya di Paris yang villa-nya luas dan harapan-harapan saya atas kebahagiaan dari mahasiswa baru FKM UI 2016 dalam menuntut ilmu rukhiyah.

Namun, saya rasa, branding saya di asrama RK yang mulai menurun.

Saya ketiduran mulu. QL telat bangun. Kerjaannya begadang. Izin-izinan acara mulu. Denda piket numpuk.

Saya pun berkesimpulan bahwa branding saya sama halnya seperti cucian piring yang saya bicarakan diatas sebelumnya.

Untuk yang punya piring, pikirannya sudah tenang. Piringnya sudah di tempat cuci piring, nanti sore tinggal cuci. Kalau enggak, palingan nanti ada yang nyuciin. Yang penting pikiran saya hari itu tenang. Gak perlu repot-repot mikirin cuci piring yang gak penting. ---- Untuk manusia FKM, saya sangat aktif. Saya sibuk pada acara-acara FKM, menunjukkan komitmen saya dengan baik. Kalau saya tidak komitmen, yang penting saya sudah mau berkontribusi. Yang penting saya di FKM. Gak ngilang gak jelas kemana tau gara-gara masuk RK.

Untuk yang piket (seperti saya), dia merasa terbebani. Ini tanggung jawab siapa dan kenapa dia yang mengerjakan. Yang piket pun mengerjakannya dengan ikhlas dan mencoba berbicara baik-baik kepada teman-teman Tiara agar tidak tersinggung hatinya. ---- Untuk pihak asrama RK (terlebih Muffin, mungkin), dia merasa bingung. Ini Tiara satu kemana dan kenapa dia tidak laporan atau izin mepet-mepet mulu. Pihak asrama pun mencoba memaklumi segudang aktivitas saya dan selalu dengan sabar mengingatkan saya agar saya makin paham sama RK di masa-masa internalisasi ini.

Untuk piringnya, dia tidak bersalah. Dia dipakai oleh yang punya piring untuk makan (hal yang berguna) yang menyebabkan dirinya menjadi kotor. Hanya saja, yang punya piring hanya memiliki niatan untuk membersihkan piring tersebut. Sayangnya, piring tersebut terlalu sering dibersihkan oleh yang piket ketimbang yang punya piring. ---- Untuk diri saya sendiri, saya merasa ini pengaruh aktivitas saya. Saya terlalu sibuk di FKM, melakukan hal yang berguna, yang menyebabkan diri saya menjadi sibuk. Hanya saja, saya mengira FKM dapat mengapresiasi saya lebih/mendukung segala perbuatan saya dengan sepenuh jiwa. Sayangnya, saya malahan jadi jauh sama Allah SWT karena kesibukan saya sehingga orang-orang asrama yang sering memback-up diri saya dalam hal rukhiyah saya.

Agak ngebingungin ya tapi dinyambung-nyambungin aja masuk lah ya wkwk #maksa.

Pemaknaan asrama saya bulan ini cukup keras. Tanggung jawab saya kepada Allah SWT taruhannya dan saya dengan mudahnya melalaikan hal tersebut dengan alasan prioritas. Kesadaran diri saya untuk memprioritaskan agama saya ketimbang keperluan diri saya yang masih perlu dibangkitkan. 

Sudah terlalu sering saya mendapat tamparan keras dari teman-teman asrama saya bulan ini. Mulai dari area pribadi saya yang tidak rapih (which, in my defense, sebenarnya bukan urusan mereka karena sebutannya aja area pribadi jadi harusnya suka-suka saya dong mau kayak gimana?!?!?!?!?! Tapi saya sekamar berenam sih jadi memang harus rapih demi kepentingan bersama ehehehe #sadardiri), lalu interaksi saya dengan ikhwan yang terlalu dekat (which is, sekali lagi, in my defense, GAK DEKET-DEKET AMAT KOK. Heu. Seriusan. Hmmm mungkin saya harus mulai menjaga hijab lagi. Keseringan bergaul sama lelaki begini nih jadinya-_-), lalu baju saya yang dikatakan terlalu membentu tubuh (which is, emang. HAHA. *gak ngeles lagi*), lalu saya yang telat jam malam mulu hingga akhirnya diberikan hukuman lain, dan hal-hal perintilan lain yang gak penting tapi berefek besar dalam kehidupan pribadi saya.

Ketika Leadership Coaching Forum dilaksanakan, saya juga mendapatkan tamparan keras. Ketika Kak Diah, Presiden Tiara Kabinet Harmonis, memiliki kompetensi dalam dirinya yang bernilai kisaran 6-8 semuanya, ada empat kompetensi diri saya yang masih menduduki nilai 3. Ironisnya, salah satunya adalah kompetensi visi.

Yak, betul.

Manusia yang selama ini sibuk ngapa-ngapain di luar maupun dalam kampus ini belum tahu dia mau jadi apa.

Ironis, sungguh ironis.

Balik lagi ke topik ya.

Pemaknaan asrama bulan ini jadinya mengajarkan saya kembali mengenai arti sesungguhnya dari TANGGUNG JAWAB. Tanggung jawab yang selama ini ringan dimulut tapi berat untuk dilakukan. Mulai Oktober 2016 ini pun saya mulai piket dengan baik dan benar sebelum kuliah (walaupun jadinya menyebabkan diri saya untuk datang terlambat kuliah dan saya tidak diabsen oleh asisten dosen tercinta karena menurut beliau kalau telat udah dihitung absen). Saya mulai memperhatikan keadaan-keadaan asrama saya (khususnya keadaan Tiara yang lagi piket EHEHEHE).

Yang jelas, saya sedang mulai jatuh cinta kembali kepada asrama RK ini dmei kepentingan bersama kita berdua.

Hehe.
Asrama Rumah Kepemimpinan
29 Oktober 2016
3.10 AM

Lagi laper.

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Typo ya? Bodo amat.

October 25, 2016

F^cked up

winonsky.sunnypillow

Hey, it's been awhile.
I've been gone for months on this blog without any stories or rants or thoughtful thinking or pure intentions on writing again to this blog. It's now mostly filled with RK stuffs. I kinda like it though so I don't have to think a lot harder on what to write on this blog but it makes me to keep more stories to myself since I usually spill everything out here.

Anyway, without further ado, here are my rants that I know you're missing for.

Yes, you can read the title, I'm a bit f^cked up this month. There's like committee issues and organisational stuffs and mid term exams and feelings and just pure self existentialism (yup, here we go again). We'll talk through those stuffs one by one in another post but let's talk about a recent situation that happened and triggered me to write this post through mobile. (second mobile attempt, yeay!)

Here's the thing, you don't agree on going out with someone, wait for them for more than an hour, and being told to just go home by that person.

Like what the f^ck dude.

You do not do that. Not to girls, not to friends, not to anyone, never.

You do not suddenly yell "Go home, Win, your night hour is up!"

Well excuse me for still waiting up for you when we were going to eat together discussung about end of committee sessions in this f^cking free time that I've spare for you. Ex-f^cking-cuse me.

Oh, and, excuse me to also just walk out storming through the common hall because I was mad and sad and trying not to show my f^cking ugly face to you two people when I'm holding up my tears not to fell.

I've had a rough day. Please, do not be my reason to breakdown.

I've had enough of outbreaks of tears. I hate to suddenly cry in the middle of nowhere and not being able to explain why because everything is actually fine when in my head it's not. It's not fine at all

But it is too late though for you to apologise or trying to make up for it to me since I've already bursting out my tears crying at one of the corridors while covering up my face so I don't look stupid.

Yes, I can cry. Did you forget that I also has feelings too?

Did you forget I also has other things to do BESIDES waiting for you being done through all of your chit-chats?

How long should I kept waiting for you? Don't you think I want to go back to my dorm so I can lay off because of how weird this day is?

I never show my weak sides to anyone, including you two, but why do you always test me to show it to both of you when I clearly don't want to?

Why do you guys kept test how far does my limits go?

Yes, I laugh a lot. It's very f^cking easy to made up with me because I clearly talk shit about stuffs and then move forward because I don't like to keep negative energy on my head. I'm not the type of person who'll actually keeps grudge on the dark side of my heart and eventually repays you with even worse of actions. I tried my best not to be that kind of person because I'd be a very dark person and I know how it was.

Trust me, you don't want to see that part of me. It's ugly.

I'm trying my best to keep up with you boys, really.

So please, please, please, please, please

Do not f^ck me up again.


Tuesday, 25th October 2016
21.19
Stressed the f^ck out

October 01, 2016

RKDiaries - Lowest of the Low

winonsky.sunnypillow


Please let me write this in English because I felt more comfortable if I write in English.

Anyway,

My second month in Rumah Kepemimpinan has already passed and here I am starting my third month along with all Ksatria-Tiara Angkatan 8. Trying to get a grip of things Trying to hold on to each other in case one of us needs some hand on things. We’re strengthening as a whole team and we’re facing all these challenges that this dorm gave us with a strong heart. We know we can do this and we chose to believe so.

This second month is actually quite different with the first one. Yes, I still don’t fit in with all these stuffs and the talks and the environment or even how to dress. I’m still a mess if you’re asking for a frank opinion. But I’m changing step by step so as long as I’m keeping it steady I guess it’ll end beautifully.

Going back to my statement before, yes, I do feel the second month is a lot harder than the first one.

Rules are starting to be straightened and people are getting fierce on stuff. Not just dormitory people but also at college, organization, committees, mentorship, and competitions. I feel like people are being so demanding this second month. I literally feel like I don’t have the time to actually stop and take a long relaxing breath. I am running out of breath while people are actually catching up towards all of my responsibilities.

People are being demanding and I don’t like it. I never liked demanding people, especially when it comes to some of my personal stuffs. Do not tell me how to open a cheese burger wrap when I can open it just as fine as you guys told me to. I mean come on it’s up to me if I want to open it in very weird and unusual way. It’s my cheese burger, don’t wreck it up for me.

That’s just a metaphor anyway it’s not like I’m a crazy maniac on cheese burger though (when I’m actually am).

Moving on,

In one of my courses at college I actually learned a thing called: COPING. One of the theories of using coping in a workplace is to actually apply coping as a problem solver rather than a last resort when it comes to psychosocial hazards. People are actually using coping in everyday lives and there’s no guidebook on what kind of coping styles or technique that you should actually use in a certain situation. Coping is how you deal with a problem as comfortable as you can until the problem itself doesn’t become a burden towards your well-being. Every people have their own techniques and you can’t judge those techniques as inappropriate or wrong. It’s all according to the person’s comfort towards how he/she copes to a problem.

And that’s a glimpse of my course that I am actually putting in this Pemaknaan Asrama task. Hmm. What has gotten to me…?

Anyway,

What I’m trying to tell you here is that I’m actually now starting to cope with the dormitory’s schedules and stuffs. I’m actually throwing a little of my dignity on laziness and self-comfort in order to do this dorm tasks as expected with the ROOMPK values that Rumah Kepemimpinan hopes us will implement.

And I’m doing it badly.

I’m actually now joining all the events on dorms and ask permissions in time. I’m starting to actually obey the rules (when I actually hate to do so). It’s a system that I need to respect and as I stated before in my last months’ Pemaknaan Asrama that I still need a very hard work to actually implement 3Rs to my life. I’m starting so please help me and give me critics. I don’t mind if you’re actually scolding me but I will defend myself if I think that what am doing is right or you’re just simply being too harsh on me.

So my dorm business is actually starting to get very well. There are elevations in some kinds of aspects but it’s still under the actual target that RK wants me to do. It’s okay. I can do better, but I’ve done my best for this month so it’s best that I kept on striving for the next ones.

What am starting to concern is actually my academic business.

I’ve been entering my class late this whole month. I’m making my college assignments on deadlines. If it’s a Day-1 I’ll just be cool with it but it’s like Hour-1. Such a deadliner.

I’m actually disappointed in myself when one of my lecturers finally scold me and told me to actually go out of the room because I enter the room like 10 minutes before the class ends. In my defense, someone told me that there’s actually 2 sessions of today’s lecture so I’m entering for the second session because I know the first session has passed. Turns out the second session is cancelled and thus that lecturer told me to go out of the class. Bottom line: I don’t go out of the class. I sit at the front and just hears what he has to say for the rest 10 minutes. He’s actually mad when I do that. I can see his eyes flickering and how he decided to not look at me, treating me as if I’m some pest that he doesn’t want to look directly. Oh how bad(stupid)ass I was that time.

Yep, that’s another page of me. I don’t care what people say. I’m doing whatever the hell I want to and I don’t care if you consider me as a pest or not because I still value you as my lecturer if you’re actually teaching in a very nice term and polite way (whoops).

Oh, if you’re wondering, I cried afterwards though. I’m still a girl and I actually regret what I’ve done. So inappropriate. Don’t do it, guys. It’s a bad thing.

So, yeah, am actually not having a very firm grip on my academic stuffs. And to who does I blame all this stuff? Rumah Kepmimpinan? Or Ksatria-Tiara Angkatan 8? Or Bang Bachtiar?

I’m blaming it on myself.

I still can’t manage my time very well and I feel like am not actually trying enough.

Like this morning, I woke up late and I don’t come to my weekly meeting of Kajian Islam Pekanan with kak Ika. I woke up around 9 and I think that’s like logical since I’ve just went to bed at 5 because some dream visualization video of Ksatria-Tiara Angkatan 8. Like 4 hours of sleep is actually not enough. As a public health I’m actually telling people to sleep for 8 hours, not less. And here I am barely sleeping.

The effects are huge. Now I’m actually feeling sorry to kak Ika. I was supposed to give a speech (kultum) on women’s fiqh but now I don’t even attend it. I chat kak Ika to ask some ‘punishment’ since this is purely my own fault. I’m being not careful. Sleep is not a reason. I should’ve control myself more. But, until now, she doesn’t reply when she’s actually online. It’s my bad, my fault, and now I need to deal with this ‘emotional burden’.

And thus, that’s how Rumah Kepemimpinan means to me.

Filled with mistakes and events that every person knows that it’s just too much for a college student with 1001 activities that he/she is actually pursuing. Filled with hope and thoughts that is actually wild and running free to express ourselves. Filled with punishments and burdens that no one actually wants to get in life as in general.

Filled with rainbows of hopes and second chances to fix ourselves. Filled with self-reminders and meaningful events that will keep your heart and mind alive. Filled with life lessons that you can’t get in any other place.

Filled with me. A girl who is still lacking in any kinds of things on she’s trying to pursue. A girl who does whatever she wants. A girl who hated a system more than a punishment. A girl that kept on asking on stuffs that aren’t supposed to be asked. A girl who is trying to hold on along this ride with Ksatria-Tiara Angkatan 8.

A girl who believes that she can and will do better next month.


Asrama Rumah Kepemimpinan
Saturday, October 1st, 2016
12.19 PM

Striving