September 05, 2016

tired

winonsky.sunnypillow

it's kinda weird since right now I'm crying because I'm tired.

academic activities haven't actually begun but now I'm tired.

I got too much things to handle.

I'm afraid.

what should I do.

like now I'm crying because there's literally too much on my plate.

help.

I'm tired.

September 04, 2016

Disco

winonsky.sunnypillow

There's no secret for anyone that I like music.

I'm the kind of person who likes any kind of music if it sounds good to my ear. Catchy, beat, rock, pop, screamo, I'm fine as long it sounds cool.

Then one day, I found myself dancing to the music at my dorm room and I kinda do a twirl and then I stopped for a moment and looked at the mirror. I stared at myself, realizing how foolish I was looking and laughed it anyway.

I kinda then think to myself about how people at the disco was dancing like whacko with beatful music like the ones that I was listening (it was Closer by The Chainsmoker ft Hayley by the way haha). What made them dance? What made them go to the disco?

Then I kinda shut myself when I figured what's the problem: Alcohol.

Everything seems to be fun with alcohol, right?

Many of my foreign friends kept saying "we need a drink after this" "I'm not sober enough for this" "where's the alcohol, I need some fun" or other stuffs related to alcohol. For them, by being not sober then they could be having fun acting like weirdos and dance as crazy as they want.

Cause honestly if you ever went to a disco the situation isn't as delighted as in the movies.

Thanks to Allah I was given an opportunity to actually went to a disco. One of my life goals are achieved lol.

It was hot because the ventilation was so soaked. The air conditioner can't do a good job since there's so much lights and movements of the people who were dancing and producing sweats. My ears felt a bit cramped because how high the stereo was playing those dubstep songs. I must say, it sounds good, on my earphone. On the stereo and with that high voice, it sounds like crap.

But idk tho that's what I'm feeling when I entered and spend 4 hours there for something haha.

So yeah, alcohol and music does match for a disco situation type.

And I don't know how to end this post.

Oh well haha.

Asrama Rumah Kepemimpinan
Sunday, 4th September 2016
18.32
Confused

September 03, 2016

Magenta

winonsky.sunnypillow

Hari yang kita lalui bersama
Di Bulungan tercinta
Kulepaskan semua rasa
Memang kita berbeda-beda
Kita tetaplah keluarga
Kavaleri Kaversa

Disini engkau disana
Asal kita bersama
Tak pernah bisa berpisah
Lama atau lebih lama
Asal kita bersama
Tak pernah bisa berpisah

Karena kita Kavaleri
Karena kita Kaversa
Karena satu salam kita
Salam Magenta

Karena kita berdua
Ucapkan janji setia
Ku tak akan berpisah
Selamanya

Hey, good morning everyone.

I'm going to talk about some things that I thought I would never actually write.
I'm going to talk about my high school moments.

So I don't know why but suddenly I just miss those crazy people and I went to search them on YouTube and I stumbled on this. Go on and check it out then you'll know what I mean.

After that video, I just kept on searching. I changed my LINE profile picture into Kavaleri Kaversa's logo. I just miss them so much. And I don't know why.

You might think that I just miss the high school moments. Well, probably, but it's mostly the people though.

Let me tell you a bit about myself back in high school.

I wasn't the famous girl who's like very pretty or on the cheers or dance or traditional dance squad.
I wasn't the most smartest person whom everyone likes.
I wasn't the nicest person.
I wasn't the richest person either.

Mostly I was selfish and inconsiderate.

It was kind of a change if you know how I was at junior high school. I was those kinda rebels. Not too rebelling though but I was almost gotten into real trouble which could lead me to be dropped out of school.

But then I entered high school and the atmosphere was very different then my junior high school. Everyone at my junior high school was being very smart and rich and stuff while at high school was intimidating and friendly.

How do I put this in words.
Um.

Kavaleri Kaversa is the most fiercest people I've ever met in the whole world.

We're like a group of misfits while trying to fit each other. We stumble and do stuffs together. We do a lot of stuffs. We got scolded together and yet we also scold anyone together(?). We're close and I'm kinda in love with those atmosphere.

But I wasn't 'anak angkatan' nor 'anak non-angkatan'.

I was somewhere in the middle.

I was there for the big moments of Kavaleri Kaversa but I wasn't there for the little ones. I figured that only the big ones mater since those are the moments that'll always be talked over and over. That'll always be the ones to be remembered.

Wrong.

It's the little things that they remember.

And how funny it is that I wasn't there for the slightly little things.

You see, I use to study at private school and when I entered a public school I was shocked that my scores were that low since the curriculum that I learned was very different. Then I just kept on going to cram school every day doing my studies trying to be smart. I was one of those 'ambis' people.

And I already thought that it was pretty. Realizing that I remember more on lessons then memories I share with my friends.

Don't get me wrong, I also share memories with them. But it was the good ones. Not the bad ones. And the bad thing I meant here is not bad but it's kinda against the rules stuff(?).

I was being the Mrs Goody Two Shoes. Did my homework well. Do extracurricular activities. Join competitions. Become known to the teachers. Got good grades.

I didn't actually get the chance to be naughty.

How do I put this.

I didn't 'nongkrong' like an other my friends. Whenever there's something with Kavaleri Kaversa, I always chose to just sit and wait. I don't act. I don't join the festivals or support my friends on the competition. I study. I stay at home. I watch TV. I go to cram school.

You might thing "It's not a big deal, Win. Please you're just being very weirded out by not being that close to some extremely famous friends at the Kavaleri Kaversa circle."

Well you know what? Probably.

But I do know that's not the point.

The point is, I'm missing the fun that they were having.

And I want to know how fun it was.

Because now, when I sing our songs, when I look at our pictures, when I remember the moments, when I pass our school, when I stumble a part of Kavaleri Kaversa, I want to feel the fun again.

I want more fun.

I want more fun with Kavaleri Kaversa.

Asrama Rumah Kepemimpinan
Saturday, 2nd September 2016
1.23 AM






Salam Magenta.

September 02, 2016

RKDiaries - Berbagi Opini dan Pemaknaan

winonsky.sunnypillow

Salam'alaykum!

Selamat siang, semuanya!

Maafkan ya kalau saya semalem galau absurd gajelas. Emang yang namanya perempuan mah alasan untuk galau tuh banyak. Kami punya 1001 cara untuk menjadi baper wkwkwkwkwkwk.

Anyway, kemarin kan RK memberikan kita tugas untuk menulis opini serta pemaknaan asrama. Nah, saya mau share tulisan tersebut disini nih ehehhe.

Silakan dibaca dan silakan dinikmati.



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3R
Udah pada tau kan, ya, 3R itu apa?
Hah? Belom tau? Bohong.
Yaudah lah saya kasih tau lagi aja deh biar enak.
3R itu merupakan sebuah paradigma yang dibuat dalam aspek saling menghormati. Jadi 3R itu adalah Respect to People, Respcet to Time, dan Respect to System (eh ini ngurut gak sih?). Nah 3R ini sangat penting dalam berbagai aspek kehidupan kita baik pembelajaran ataupun pekerjaan.
Menurut saya, implementasi 3R dalam kehidupan saya itu masih kurang banget.
Saya masih kurang hormat sama orang (terlebih orang yang lebih tua dari saya).
Saya masih kurang hormat sama waktu (silakan tanya kepada seluruh manusia yang mengenal saya bahwa kemungkinan saya datang telat pada suatu acara adala 85%).
Saya masih kurang hormat sama sistem (saya tipe orang yang gak suka diatur gitu jadi makanya suka ngelawan gak tau diri gitu).
Mungkin ini jauh banget dari apa itu sebuah essay opini, namun inilah opini saya terhadap diri saya.
Saya masih kurang banget dalam satu hal 3R ini dan saya masih harus berusaha untuk berubah dari yang kurang banget jadi yang bisa banget gitu. Saya percaya sama perubahan yang berlandaskan sama niat baik. Nah, kalau dalam masalah saya ini, niat dan keinginan bukan lah masalah. Yang jadi masalah implementasi nya.
Saya selalu suka terlena sama nafsu sendiri yang suka impromptu atau absurd atau dadakan kayak kecelakaan (lah). Ya pokoknya saya tuh tipe manusia yang bener-bener suka-suka saya banget deh.
Oleh karena itu, opini terhadap diri ini sendiri suka terkesan keras. Saya suka terlalu menyalahkan diri saya dan kemudian saya suka membela diri saya juga mati-matian. Saya manusia kontradiktif, dan saya sadar akan hal itu. Dan saya ingin berubah, namun saya tak kunjung berubah.
Dimana salahnya? Di diri saya sendiri. Saya yang kelewat mager makanya begini mulu.
Makanya, ayo segera berubah biar menjadi lebih baik sepeti teman-teman Tiara lainnya. Saya yakin kamu bisa berubah dari manusia kontradiktif jadi manusia xxxxxxxxxxx (isi sendiri kata-katanya saya belum dapet soalnya wkwk).
Yasudah, ayo diluruskan kembali niatnya ya, Win.
Bismillah..
Asrama Rumah Kepemimpinan
Kamis, 1 September 2016

19.58


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Kurang Briefing
Rumah Kepemimpinan mengajarkan saya satu hal selama satu bulan ini:
            Kalau kalian kurang briefing maka hasilnya juga gak bagus-bagus amat.
Bulan Agustus 2016 merupakan bulan yang baru bagi kehidupan saya. Memasuki sebuah asrama yang agak cukup ekstrem dengan segala bentuk aktivitas serta alat bantu yang program pembinaan seperti ‘Idealisme Kami’, jas eksklusif yang terlalu besar untuk para kaum hawa, atau beberapa hal lainnya, merupakan bukanlah sebuah fase yang akan dilewati oleh setiap manusia yang ada di bumi ini. Ya, mungkin kalian berpikir saya spesial. Enggak, saya gak spesial. Saya bukan martabak yang pake telor bebek dua yang isinya daging cincang yang gak jelas dari mana itu, bukan. Saya disini cuman ditakdirkan untuk melewatkan program yang tidak semua orang bisa ikut ini.
Oke, balik lagi. Mohon maaf ya sebelumnya kalau misalnya agak ngalor-ngidul gitu soalnya saya sendiri kalau nulis atau ngomong atau mikir itu suka loncat-loncat gak jelas gitu. Saya gampang terdistraksi. Ada kucing, dikejar kucingnya. Ada makanan nganggur, dicomot. Ada pendaftaran beasiswa berasarama, saya ikutan daftar aja  (nahyolo asrama apa ini).
Tuhkan mulai loncat-loncat lagi.
Ehem.
Nah, maksudnya kurang briefing disini tuh apa sih?
Jadi, menurut saya, selama satu bulan di Asrama Rumah Kepemimpinan Tiara Angkatan 8 ini, masalah yang selalu ditemukan oleh setiap subjek yang saya temui adalah pasti satu itu doang. Kekurangan briefing. Mau dari diri saya sendiri, temen sekamar, temen asrama, Ksatria 8, pembina, satpam, dan mungkin subjek lain yang gak kesebut.
Kalau dari diri saya sendiri tuh ya waktu itu saya jadi pembina tapi dadakan gitu kayak tahu bulat. Yaudah, sambil setengah nahan tawa, seperempat mata mengantuk, dan seperempat pikiran yang bingung mau menyampaikan amanat macam apa, saya berdiri didepan pemimpin apel sambil mengikuti jalan apel. Terus taunya saya udah disuruh kasih amanat. Tanpa pikir panjang langsung aja salam, ngecek suara (“Apakah yang disebelah sana mendengar suara saya?”), akhirnya saya menyampaikan amanat saya mengenai insiden Ksatria yang super telat dateng apel pagi itu. Di otak saya sih udah ke atur tuh awal-awal bilang abis NLC terus mau apresiasi kita menang haflah terus baru deh kecewa kenapa telat terus bilang diakhir kalau gapapa telat yang penting jangan lupa memperbaiki diri. Eh, emang dasar manusia kalau kekurangan briefing plus gak fokus plus ngantuk plus diketawain sama Radhiyan Pribadi Pasopati didepan semua orang, yaudah saya jadinya tidak menyampaikan sedikit pun apa hal yang sudah saya siapkan dalam otak saya. Kurang briefing banget. Alhasil, pas evaluasi, Fuadil Azam (eh bener gak sih ini nama panjang dia-.- maafkan Fuad kalau salah) menyampaikan ketidaksukaan dia terhadap cara penyampaian saya, Wah seru dah tuh mengundang konflik, saya jadinya tersulut api sikap defensive dari perbuatan yang udah jelas memang saya lakukan itu. Tapi tenang aja abis itu langsung baikan kok. InsyaAllah yang beginian gak keulang lagi ya kawan-kawan Tiara-Ksatria 8 Regional 1 Jakarta kuh. Semut tuh gak berantem tapi semut tuh berkerja sama (ntaps).
Terus kekurangan briefing lainnya adalah dari kelakuan para saudari Tiara ku YANG SUKA LUPA MATIIN LAMPU KETIKA UDAH GAK DI PAKAI. Tolong ya guys kita hemat energy. Katanya pemimpin muda tapi reserving energy aja masa susah sih…. Tinggal diteken doang kok nanti lampunya mati, gak susah kan ya? Sama halnya kayak CUCIAN PIRING, JEMURAN BAJU, PELAKSANAAN PIKET, terus apalagi ya aduh saya lupa tapi ya intinya gitu. Ini Tiara dirasa kurang briefing untuk hemat energy dan berperilaku cinta kebersihan. Tetapi tak apa kita belajar bareng lagi ya disini biar makin cinta sama bumi kita ini.
Kekurangan briefing selanjutnya (dan yang terakhir juga soalnya udah mau jam 8 terus ada satu tugas lagi yang belom) adalah dari pembina tercinta. Saya gak ngerti in kesalahan dari pusat atau Bang Fathan atau Kang Imam atau Muffin tapi yang jelas kalau ngasih tugas bulanan bukan berarti diberikan diakhir bulan kan kakak-kakakku tercinta?! Kusayang kalian tapi kalau setiap bulan diginiin aku gabisa terus-terusan begadang buat memikirkan aku mau menikah umur berapa tinggal dimana punya anak berapa. Aku gak masalah banget seriusan tugasnya banyak cuman tenggat waktunya diperbanyak. Aku tipe orang yang nyicil, kak. Aku juga udah nanya sama Muffin waktu itu ada tugas apa enggak terus kata Muffin kayaknya buat bulan ini belum ada. Terus ternyata ada. Yaudah gapapa toh tugasnya bermanfaat juga kok aku senang. Diajarin kerja cerdas bukan kerja keras (uwaw materi pak Sandiaga Uno).
Duh kok jadi kayak evaluasi begini ya huehehe.
Ya pokoknya, saya masih beradaptasi banget di asrama ini. Konflik sama teman sudah ada. Konflik sama supervisor insyaAllah gak akan ada (AAMIINNN YA ALLAH AMIN. KU TAK MAU MUFFIN SEDIH KARENA AKU). Konflik sama satpam udah sekali. Konflik sama tangga karena tinggi amat itu hampir setiap hari.
Nah, tapi, mau berbagai macam konflik apapun yang akan datang, saya termasuk orang yang percaya kalau konflik merupakan pertanda kehidupan. Kalau gak ada konflik mana berwarna hidup coba. Seragaman. Monokrom. Membosankan. Kalau curhat gak seru wkwkwk.
Tapi ya tetep aja saya juga peace enthusiast jadi konflik tuh perlu buat bonding yang kuat diantara kita gitu wkwk. Mungkin konflik saya sama Rumah Kepemimpinan buat bulan ini hanyalah kekurangan briefing saja namun insyaAllah konflik ini juga yang akan memperkuat hubungan kita.
Bismillah, semoga saya, Tiara, Ksatria, Pembina, dan Rumah Kepemimpinan bisa berkembang bersama-sama demi Indonesia yang lebih baik lagi.
Asrama Rumah Kepemimpinan
Kamis, 1 September 2016

19:46


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Okedeh udah segitu doang tulisannya wkwkwkwk. Masih sampis banget sih ya namanya juga deadliners ya jadi kurang bagus dan bertata gitu. Gitu dah pokoknya.

Maaf ya kalau absurd wkwkwk.

Semangaaatttt!!

Asrama Rumah Kepemimpinan
Jumat, 2 September 2016
11,.56

September 01, 2016

Hurting

winonsky.sunnypillow

I don't know.

I don't know if I'm hurting you or even him or some other person I don't know.

I never meant that.

I really don't.

I'm sorry.

I never meant that.

I really don't.

I'll do better.

It's not you, it's me, really.

It really is me.

I was blaming myself, really, and I was never even kept some weird feelings for every each one of you.

I never did, and never will.

Because I know that it's me who is wrong.

Not you, not him, not her, not anyone else.

It's me.

And I've been hurt like this for quite a long time.

And tonight I decided to share the hurt.

And you responded as I thought how you will respond.

I'm not judging, but I'm thankful for that thing.

This means I know you well enough as you know me.

If someone actually said "I'm an open book with secret pages",

Well guess what?

I'm an open book

With opened secret pages.

Because I'm tired of keeping it by myself.

So I'm trying to share.

And I know you won't like it.

And it's okay.

But I do know I'll change.

Please, give me another chance.

Please, I'll make up for these things.

Please, let me prove myself.

I was caught in the moment.

And so was you.

And so was him.

And so was her.

And so was the others.

I never said I didn't want to share.

I never said I didn't want to change.

I never said I didn't want to be better.

I want those things.

And am still little.

By being honest with you.

And him.

And her.

So you would know how messy I am before I became organized.

So you would know how temperament I am before I became silent.

So you would know how hard I try to keep up with you guys.

And again,

I'm sorry.

But I'm trying.

So please help me.

Please.

Please.

Please.

Please

winonsky.sunnypillow

FYI I'm writing this with tears on the edge of my eyes.

Gosh I need private space.

Well, um, I'm just quite dissapointed on what I've just do in a couple of minutes ago. I send my email for 9 assignments from RK and was glad that I made it in time when I found out that I didn't.

I didn't make the count.

You have no idea how I need to resist the urge for me to not write the swear word on this post.

I just hate myself. Why can't I be earlier? Why can I not make the count in just only a couple of seconds? Why do I kept doing these deadline things? Why? Why? WHY?!?!?!?

*emotionally throwing a tantrum on the keyboards of my laptop* *my feet kept kicking the ground* *resisting the urge to cry*

Huft.

Okay.

I can do this.

It's just the first month, I surely can do this.

I can do better next time.

I will do better next time.

I will not be defeated by time again.

































Okay.

I think I'm okay now.

I think I'll go play some games so I can forget this thing. Or maybe just watch youtube. Or hear some loud rock music. Or take a nice long shower. Or sleep. Or watch a movie. Or wash my clothes.

Whatever it is, I don't want any human interactions tonight.

I need privacy.

Please do not talk to me tonight. I won't reply, I'll just give you a very weird look that'll scare you off. So please just don;t try to talk to me.

Thanks. I hope you understand. I hope you appreciate it.

I truly am sorry guys.



Asrama Rumah Kepemimpinan
Thursday, 1st September 2016
20.26