Apologize for not making diaries of Jalan Jalin since I’m always exhausted after those event days L
I’m not in the mood on telling how Jalan Jalin went because I have bigger issues to handle.
I am currently a member of three different organizations: IKAHIMAK3I, Nurani, and ISAFIS.
IKAHIMAK3I is a national OHS student association. I have this opportunity to be the Chief of Advocacy in the 1st Territory which consist Jakarta, Sumatera, Banten, and I forgot what else hehe. It’s a new organization and we’re currently still developing on the structures and actions that our organization is going to do. We even haven’t had our first meeting with all of the Territorial boards, a bit weird huh? Well I’m in it and I’m also weird so that’s okay J
Nurani is a faculty dakwah community that focuses on Islamic acts and issues throughout FKM. I’m one of the 5 staffs of the Syiar Media Department. Together, we will make awesome publications on Islamic issues and Nurani’s events. One of my reasons to join this organization is because my lack of knowledge of Islam. I was being very distant from my religion and I have this urgency on knowing more of Islam for the purpose of my own life (I know it sounded like I made it up but it’s the truth anyway.)
ISAFIS stands for Indonesian Student Association for International Studies. This year we have this grand goal on confirming our place in the 2017’s UN GA and we are willing to do whatever it takes to be there for the sake of our organization and also Indonesian Students’ connectivity to the UN. My division, FAIR–Foreign Affairs and Institutional Relations–is one of the most wanted divisions in the organization. My duty on FAIR is mainly about the institutional relations, especially for company visits.
Pretty sure after you read those three paragraphs you’ll go like “whoa this kid is super busy and it seems like she’s very active.”
If you’re thinking like that, yes. You are right.
But if you’re not, then that’s fine because you are also right.
I am not being busy and also active on campus.
I know that I’ve got like two national organizations which sound cool. I am also very proud of those two organizations myself. But there’s this one organization that was always been in my heart since the first time I went inside of FKM.
BEM IM FKM UI.
Alias, Universitas Indonesia Faculty of Public Health’s Executive Student Body.
Last night I was like in my deepest regrets of not applying on BEM FKM and went cursing myself for being so idealistic and unreal. Isn’t that the one thing that was always on my mind? Isn’t that the one thing that I care when I entered FKM? Isn’t that the one thing that always lifts my mood up when I was being sick of campus life?
I probably mention about my anxiety on choosing whether I should contribute to BEM FKM or BEM UI and at that time I chose to dedicate myself to BEM UI because of the vision and missions and values and experience that BEM UI will give to me. I was certain and I felt like I know what I’m doing by not applying to BEM FKM.
Then, ISAFIS’ announcement showed up. And they accepted me. Which made me happy and confuse at the same time.
At that time, I applied for ISAFIS just because when I saw ISAFIS, I think that it’s a really cool organization. I loved one of its project aka Indonesia International Week. That thing just blow me away. That thing made me fall in love with ISAFIS. And that thing is also made me realize how I wanted to connect with people with different backgrounds.
Let me tell you something I learned in a very hard way.
When you expect nothing you might gain something huge. But when you expect everything you might get nothing back.
That quote is also from one of my bestie aka Kelvin (yes, I am writing your name again on my blog) which I modified a bit according to my POV and stances.
When I applied to ISAFIS, I didn’t really expect to be accepted with such easy steps. Seriously, I didn’t feel that the application steps are hard and the interview was a bit intriguing but I guess it’s just like every other normal interviews. When I set my heart to contribute at BEM my conscious was having this vast battle between whether should I choose the University’s or Faculty’s BEM. I was thinking about it all day all night long and didn’t really come up with a fixed conclusion. I was devastated.
And after my acceptance at ISAFIS, I didn’t get to be on neither of those BEM.
It is sad. Trust me, it’s the worse. Knowing that I won’t be a member, no, a family of such meaningful organization throughout history is a major break down.
And this crazy self was letting go of BEM UI.
And this crazy self was letting go of BEM FKM.
But not for long.
After BEM FKM’s GA at Puncak, it hits me. How I was a fool on not applying to BEM FKM. How now I am jealous and upset and mad of myself for not even trying. How I stared at the walls of my room thinking that my whole efforts are useless if I didn’t join BEM FKM. How I started to water my eyes out by looking at those herds of BEM FKM’s people talking about their stuffs and kinda zone out from my life.
I will never be the same Winona to them again.
And it hurts.
Knowing that you are not a part of something major.
Knowing that you COULD be that part of something and refused because of some unclear reasons.
FYI, I am crying right now (yes, I know. Such a girl, huh?). Crying on myself. Feeling anxious. Feeling left behind.
And again, I remember one thing that just keeps me aware of my standing.
“Amanah tidak akan pernah jatuh ke orang yang salah.”
Quoted from Kelvin Halim, my dearest friend on FKM. You’re the best, Kelv. Really. Thanks.
Exploring my reasons on why I didn’t apply to BEM FKM is written below:
1. I was pretty convinced to contribute myself on BEM UI (even though now I can’t contribute there too L)
2. I was afraid that I can’t keep up my schedules since I’ve already had IKAHIMAK3I and Nurani in the first place (even though if I joined BEM UI it would be a lot more complicated time management)
3. I wasn’t interested in its Sports’ Department and my heart was in love with Adkesma but I realize that the Adkesma thing is just temporary. I was more set on my own problems than others (this may sound selfish and so not me but it’s the deep dark truth).
4. I would like to break people’s assumption on FKM students that is busy with FKM only and didn’t really like to socialize outside the faculty. We’re those homies kinds of stuffs and I would like to break that assumption
5. I could contribute to FKM by being a committee or volunteer on FKM’s event. Contributing doesn’t always means to get in the circle, right?
6. I wanted to expand my networks and my assumption at that time was by being on FKM it might be a bit hard to expand it.
Those are the reasons. Maybe some of them didn’t really make sense but it was my thoughts and I am not normal so yeah don’t criticize me.
Feeling reaaaaaalllllyyyyyy relieved right now.
Asrama Universitas Indonesia
Saturday, 6th February 2016