February 22, 2016

Feeling Alive

winonsky.sunnypillow

21st February is probably the most highlighted day on my college life until now.

Why? It's the day where I just forgot about everything that made me whine since the first time I enter the 2nd term of college.

For me, it wasn't like coming back home. It was like adapting to more and more of situations that keeps on tickling me on every situation that is made. That's why I was so sick of all the changes and started to question that if there's anything that still stays the same until now, either it was good or bad. Fortunately, I didn't found any. Everything changes. Everyone changes. And that change thing that I was sick off was actually started by myself on the first hand. I myself also changed and I forgot how major the changes I've been through. Guess it's time to start setting up my mind on things that really matters the most to me then complaining about those stuffs at the first place :)

Anyway,

Probably should've tell you on what happened on 20th February first so I can connect it with this current lively feeling I'm on.

Saturday, 20th February 2016. I started my day by waking up super late and because my body wasn't really feeling so well. I knew I was not in my greatest conditions and said to myself that I need to take a rest on that day and the next day so that I'll enter college with an optimal stamina.

Turns out I was that ill. I did my work physiology paper with so little power and effort and that made my whole day spent on the bed, cursing and learning more about the topic that was given. I was really upset on how I get ill so quickly, considering it's just my second week of college life.

Oh yeah. I forgot something. At the morning, one of my friends stated that he's just ran around the dorm territory and is now resting on my friend's dorm room, He then asked the group to run tomorrow early in the morning at the National Monument aka Monas and suggested we depart on 6AM. I was ecstatic. But then I realize that I wasn't really feeling well and my body also show vital signs of needing more rests. I said I'll come anyway but also told them that I was ill so that I could give them the excuse on not coming on the next day in case I was still on my low point for the next morning.

After doing work physiology from 12PM to 18PM (yes, it was that long because I was ill, procastinating, and planned to quit this course every 10 minutes). Then I spend the next 2 hours by watching a movie and managing some college stuffs on my phone.

FYI, it was so damn hectic.

You see, I got this 2 committees  that I signed up for on my first week of college. Both of them are from ISAFIS and it was kinda major. But again, I looked down on it since I'm only a media partner for JMUN and a treasurer on IMATION.

Don't get the wrong ideas, those two events is very important and busy. I was looking down on the commitments I was given, which is bad for the event and my own accountability. Those two events wasn't really my thing and I joined one of it just because I thought I would be so lame if I didn't contribute for one of ISAFIS' major project of the year. But don't worry, I'll make sure hat I gave my best effort on those two committees so that I can prove ISAFIS that they didn't took the wrong person to their circle.

Then, a wild card appears.

I was chatting with a Sosmas BEM IM FKM UI 2016 staff and she said that she wanted me to be the PIC of Intervention on the next Bakpao. They say I'm the best person they know for the job and they know how great I do on becoming the LO of Intervention on the previous Bakpao. The excitement adds up when she called me and turns out there's like 4 of the staffs that's discussing on my credibility. They called me for a quick and friendly interview (since they're my friends, duh) and reach the point of being really happy that I wanted to be the PIC at the first place.

Hence, now I have 3 committees on my back. And also 3 organisations to contribute in.

To make things more fired up, one of my friend also chatted me and said that I'm a PIC for Artdictive's Stand Up Comedy competition. I did signed up for it since I was thinking that I had nothing to do on college because most of my activities were done outside of campus and it was my first committee on campus offer so I guess it kinda means a lot to me. So I said yes (because she kinda like begged me to be on the team since it's so hard to find people who wants to contribute on such small campus event) and added another responsibility to my college life.

Hence, 4 committees and 3 organisations that I need to spare my time for.

Then, one of my closest friend asked about the offer that he proposed to me: becoming his Logistic Staff on this year's Peduli Desa. Sadly I need to turn this offer down because logistic isn't really my thing and I had like 4 committees to think of right now?!?! It was kind of his fault anyway since I told him to ask it to me on Friday but he asked me on Saturday. If he asked om on Friday, I'd say yes and probably rejected the next two committees that was offered to me on that day.

Listing up the responsibility that I signed up for, kinda knew that I would be staying up late for the rest of this college life. Probably would also fall to some short range flu or those kinds of sickness because of lacking of rests and sleep. I signed up for it. I should give my maximum effort on all of those stuffs.

So here's a list of all the shit I need to take care on 2016:

  1. As a Staff of ISAFIS' FAIR - Institutional Division, I should arrange a company visit to a company that's multinational and cares on the youth's power for the sake of a better world.
  2. As a Staff of Nurani FKM UI 2016's Syiar Media Department, I should made Nurina - Nurani in Absurdity/Action/AnyotherAsthatmightsoundcooler every month and produce, edit, also post the damn video on youtube every month. I'm also in charge of the twitter feeds which is always updated on Saturday 8PM for my department's projects.
  3. As a Chief of Advocacy 1st Territory, I still don't know what I'm suppose to do. Really. This organisation's plan is by far just to hangout on 5th of March to discuss more of our job descriptions throughout the year.
  4. As a Media Partner on 2016's JMUN, I need to contact every media partners that's willing to give some of their money and time for this huge event. I also control the things that they should and should not know. I also make calls and appointments. I'm supposed to be busy and here I am being busy with other stuffs. Forgive me kak Malikah, kak Zolan, kak Titi, and kak Alisya. I have let you guys down :'(
  5. As a Treasurer of this year's IMATION, I control the money (duh). I control the incomes and expenses. I need to list every money that is used. Thankfully we haven't really discuss this committee further since thinking about holding that much money on my hand would only made me feel sacred of losing a penny of them. It's not my money and I am in control of it. Need to restrain myself on doing foolish acts and keeping a steady eye on those numbers.
  6. As a PIC of Intervention of this year's Bakpao, I need to make a certain schedule, concept, and more of those stuffs that I forgot for the new college students so that they could develop their own way of delivering interventions to the children and their parents.
  7. As a PIC of Artdictive's Stand Up Competition, I need to watch the rules and probably audition some of the contestants first hand. I don't really know. The job description wasn't really clear.

Hence, that's my college life activities that is super tight and busy. Between those tasks I also need to wash my clothes, iron my clothes, tidy my room, do college assignments, and more of the things I need to take care of.

I signed up for this. I will give my best on every each one of them.

Commitments are huge and risky, but I signed up for it.  I need to finish the job well, no matter how small the commitment is.

Kudos to me.

Back to the real story I wanted to tell you. After finishing all those committees stuffs, I head down to grab some food to eat and gone back to my room to eat it while watching the movie that was suspended. Then, on 22PM, I head back down to return the eating utensils and paid for my meal.

After paying, I realized that there's Dean, one of my gesrek friends, who's doing some college stuffs on his laptop with really exhausted face on those damn cheek bone figures. I said hi and sat next to him. We then exchange stories on our college activities and also laugh about it a lot. We also watch some dumb videos on youtube just to laugh it off and make fun of it, relieving all the stress we've gotten into ourselves.

We talked until 1AM and decided to go back to our dorms. I was getting ready to sleep so that I could wake up early in the morning so that I could join the run. Turns out, I chatted with Dini, a friend of mine, who wants me to pick her up on her station so that we could run together. I said yes and that just confirmed my attendance on tomorrow's super dadakan event.

I slept at 2AM and leave a message on my group to wake me up early on subuh. Iyan called me on 5AM and I checked my phone lalala and I fall back to sleep, Iyan called me again on 6AM telling that Rizal's waiting for me at the canteen so that I could go to the station with him together. I hurry changed my clothes and put on my running shoes then ran to Rizal and apologize for being unpunctual.

As we get to the station, we met with Iyan and Budhy. Fawwaz is at the other station since he thought there were more people coming. Turns out all of them didn't wake up early and one of them was also forbidden by her parents. Poor Fawwaz waiting for something uncertain :'(

So I grabbed the train first and head to Tanah Abang to get Dini. Fawwaz eventually gets on the same train as me so we began our journey to the hectic Brother Land. After getting there we transfered to another lane that will take us to Pondok Ranji, the place where I will pick up Dini. When we get there, Dini had already waited for us and then we continue our journey back to Brother Land and exchange our lanes back to Manggarai.

On our way to Manggarai, Dini then said that it's best for us to stop at Sudirman station and walked thorugh Monas. She said it wasn't that far and she's been on that road. We said yes and exit on Sudirman station. Hence, we met herds of people going from or to Monas and also a lot of exciting views like colorful strings, skyscrapers, a dog that looked exactly like a doll, skateboarders, ondel-ondel, tahu bulat cart, construction sites, and tons of cool stuffs on our way to Monas. We were walking up to Plaza Indonesia and then decided to jog until Monas. I didn't jog all the way through though since I'm not feeling really well and my right feet felt sore :(
Beautiful Pinkish Strings on our way out of Sudirman Station


The Boy who Reaches Out

More colorful strings :D

Artistic POV by Fawwaz

First Skyscraper Approach

Herds of people going to Senayan

Was trying to take a picture but then Mr. Ondel-Ondel approaches and asked for money. I'm also low on money too, sir :(
 Then, as we get to Monas we were welcomed by this Arjuna Wijaya Statue.
Awesome.
Then we gather to more of our friends that already ran around the Monas' Park. There's Iyan, Budhy, Rizal, and Fauzan. After gathering around, we head back to the Monas Park just to sit around and talk about random stuffs.

First View

More People

Fawwaz trying to take a snap of us from the back

The Graceful National Monument. Do you know how hard it is to take this picture with such graceful auras around you :')

:)
(Just for your information, there will only be two more picture and then it stops there since my phone's battery is 10% and Fawwaz used up all of my powerbank's power. If I got more pictures from Dini or Fawwaz I'll upload it down below. Apologise for the unprofessional-ism.)

We continue our journey to Ragusa Es Krim Italia! What's funny is Iyan remembered that I want to bring them here and I forgot lol. Anyway since we're very low on budget so we bought like 3 kinds of ice creams and Iyan himself ate gado-gado because he was starving.

After the so-called-meal-slash-breakfast, I told them that we need to go to Kota Tua. I was thinking on how rare we're in Central Jakarta so I thought that it's best for us to explore Kota Tua and it's ancient surroundings. Luckily they agreed and off we go to Jakarta Kota station via the KRL.

When we arrived at Kota Tua, two words describes that place perfectly: panas dan rame (hot and crowded). I kinda regret taking them there because it wasn't as nice as it was when I was in Junior High. The place changed a lot.

Since it's already dzuhur so we decided to search for a mushollah. We stumbled on a mushollah but it was like super spooky so we decided to search for another one. The next musholla had a sign that says "Musholla Betawi" which made me think that there might be something unique of betawi-ness on it. Turns out the musholla looked like a dump :( I was devastated by the surroundings: a person talking about religion out loud behind a pilar, the roofs that was broken, the sajadah that didn't smell good, a guy smoking inside the musholla, cockroaches, and more things that made me felt uncomfortable.

After the sholat, we head to eat. We stumbled on a padang foods kiosk and the man that sells it have this unique style of promoting his kiosk, by such high intonation as if he was mad or angry to a certain something.

"PALING MURAH PALING MURAH. PALING MURAH DI KOTA TUA. MAKAN SINI MAKAN."

Yeah probably it sounded like that lol.

Anyway me and Budhy ate Soto Betawi, Dini ate Mie Ayam, Fawwaz and Iyan ate Lele Penyet, and Fauzan ate Ayam Penyet. Before I eat, I bought a 1 liter of water on Indomaret for 6000rupiahs since the 600ml of water on the abang-abang was 5000rupiahs. I need a lot of water because my throat begins to get sore and I need to keep it wet so it won't get more sore.

After the lunch, we went to Museum Bank Indonesia or Bank of Indonesia's Museum. We went there because it was that hot and we need an air conditionered room. Since the fee is free we were ecstatic and make our way through the museum.

The museum talks about the history of Bank of Indonesia itself and how big is it's role throughout history. It was awesome and cool. My last visit there was when I was on Junior High so there's a lot of things that I forgot. We explore every inch of the museum and really had a great time there. Super fun. Wish to visit that place once again with more time since we went there near the closing hours :')

After the museum, we pray ashar on it's masjid. The Bank of Indonesia's Masjid is so elegant I even loved the atmosphere it gave to me. Peace, clean, and sleepiness. Maybe it's because we were that tired after all the running and train trips.

After that we went back to Jakarta Kota station all the way to Pondok Cina station.


The boys being tired as fuck (sorry for the language)
The girls being happy and lively
When we said goodbye, me and Rizal went back to his motorcycle's parking lot. Turns out his motorcycle is locked by the security. I called Iyan to pick me up and get me back to my dorm while Rizal went back with one of his friends. As I get to the dorm, I head to the canteen to buy food and went right back to my room, changed my clothes, and throw this body to the bed. I have reached my limit. My throat is killing me, my legs are stiff and painful, my head is filled with ultimate dizziness, and my eyes just simply wanted its portion of sleep.

I finished my college assignments and watch a movie and eat my dinner while laying on bed. I am that exhausted. I can't move my body for unnecessary movements. To be really honest, I can't move my body at all. Since there are things to do so I forced my body to move but only for such urgent things.

And I fall asleep after completing those tasks. And now I'm awake writing on my blog about my two days.

I'll be tidying up my room and taking a long and neat shower after this. I've got a class on 10AM and I haven't prepared anything for it. Please do wish me the strength so I could thrive another hectic day. My voice is gone and my throat is so ruining this day. Maybe I'll head to the University's Clinic in the morning so I won't be that sick throughout my college days.

I was planning on fasting today :( but my conditions didn't fit me well. I hope Allah understands.

Asrama Universitas Indonesia
Monday, 22nd of February 2016
4.25 AM

February 17, 2016

Holding On

winonsky.sunnypillow

Is it weird if I don't want things to change?

I know changes will happen whether we like it or not, whether we know it or not, whether we plan it or not. I know a change is what makes someone becomes someone. I know that it's a simply normal phase that everyone will pass every stage of his/her life.

But is it weird if I don't want things to change?

I was planning on not to talk about this to anyone. I was planning to be a grown up, thinking that it was normal and letting things go while adapting to the situation.

I tried to make my college assignments and sing a lots of songs to take my mind off of it. I can't. It keeps running back. And I don't like it. I need to let it out.

I have a group of friends where there's like 7 of us who eats dinner together, do assignments together, upgrade ourselves together, being like a "bestie" group you know, Those stuffs. There's 6 of boys and then there's me. They called me boss and I forgot why.

Anyway,

We have this thing where we do Arisan every month with a purpose. 15% of the money must be given to the needy and the rest is up to the winner.

I've just got back home from the Arisan. Pretty happy to meet them all together after probably a month of not being together with the 6 of them. It was quiet fun.

Quiet fun.

*girly stuffs coming up*

Tonight we have a special guess where two of my lovely girls joins our dinner. They're close with us and they're also fun and nice. We had a blast dinner and I kinda like their existence that night. It lights up the mood. Our group was lacking of girls (since I'm the only  one in the group) so I guess that's why everyone felt so lively.

Then, after the meal, one of us said about expanding the group. Adding more people.

And right at that spot I just knew that I don't want more people inside this circle.

Yes, I sound so selfish and immature. That's what I really am right now. Who am I to make decisions, right? I'm just another member on the group.

The boys were excited. They would love to have two members on the group. Two girl members.

The boys always considered me as a boy. It made sense though since I always do boyish stuffs and never really thought about feelings a lot.

Here's the real deal boys: I THINK ABOUT THEM TOO. I just don't express it out loud. I don't like being such a girl on public. Plus, I'm a logical person. I always put logic and mind first rather than my feelings and heart.

When I entered my dorm I have this battle on my heart where I just kept cursing myself, blaming the situation that is happening right now. I hate this idea. I don't want to expand the group. I just want the 7 of us and that's all. I just want the 6 of them and that's all. That's enough. To me, that is enough.

Then I also think about one of my friend who was supposed to be joining the group in the first place. He's a lonely guy, according to my friend's observatory. He's always alone and he doesn't seem to have some close friends.

When they said that they want him to join the group, it was fine by me. Really fine. The guy is funny and also awkward in his ways which is what really defines our group. I don't really mind him joining the group because I was also thinking that he could use a group like ours filled with these abnormal people.

Then, it hit me.

I do not mind another person on the group. What I do mind is another girl on the group.

I do not want another girl on the group.

This thing. This reality. This thought. This absurdity. This is what I hate on myself by being a woman.

This ego of mine had my own principles and thoughts where I don't want another girl on the group for the sake of myself. I don't want them to start having fun with another girl member of the group. They have me. They could do that to me. All those flirty, bully, attention stuffs. I could do that. I could be like them. They don't need another girl. All they need is just me.

Yes. All they need is me.

The one girl member on their group.

The one and only girl member on their group.

The question is, could I be those girls?

The ones who gets so pretty everytime. The ones who's very smart everytime. The ones who gets bullied everytime. The ones who gives attention everytime. The ones who have the same interest with them everytime. The ones who had great friends anywhere. The ones who every boy wants to date.

No.

I am not willing to change myself just for someone else's favor.

I am who I am and people will love me as long as I love myself.

So, until now, I would just give it all up to the boys, If they want more girl members, go ahead. Maybe the group thinks they need more girl touches. Maybe the group thinks they need more girls. Maybe the group thinks it's the best for them.

If they think it's fine with us 7 then thank you God. I don't know if I can handle one more girl on the group. I don't consider them as my enemy or rival or so. I just don't like another girl's existence. Their own existence even sometimes annoys me, which is weird since I am also a girl.

I just don't like the idea of another girl existence in the group.

Sorry if the post wasn't life lesson like. It turns out to be one of my curhatmoments and I still am holding to my principles of hating a girl's existence in my circle. I don't want things to change. I really do not want things to change.






Asrama Universitas Indonesia

Wednesday, 17th of February 2016
11.50 PM

February 07, 2016

Float - 1

winonsky.sunnypillow


Hey, Mr. Airplane
Stop for a moment, there’s a lot of time
There’s tomorrow too so let her come off or let me go on
iKON – Airplane

Kre.

Terdengar bunyi ‘ding’ dan disertai suara pramugari melalui intercom. Seluruh penumpang pesawat pun melepaskan sabuk pengaman yang mereka kenakan selama pesawat take off tadi. Beberapa dari mereka juga melepaskan ear plug dan dua orang penumpang langsung beranjak dari tempat duduknya,  meluncur ke kamar mandi.

Kre pun turut melepaskan sabuk pengamannya. Dia membetulkan rambutnya yang sedikit berantakan karena turbulensi pesawat yang cukup keras saat take off tadi. Dia membuka tas kecilnya dan mengambil sebuah kaca kecil dari kantng dalamnya.

Masih cantik, ujar Kre dalam hati. Bisa gawat kalau rambutku hancur total. Kesan pertama itu segalanya. Gak mungkin kan kalau gue ketemu mentor kampus gue dengan dandanan berantakan. Kenapa turbulence-nya sebegitu kerasnya sih. Tidak biasanya.

Kre menyandarkan punggungnya ke jendela di sebelah kirinya. Dia menatap kosong ke TV kecil yang berada didepannya. Tayangan yang disajikan merupakan serial kartun yang sering ditonton oleh dia dan adiknya. Namun, hal itu sama sekali tidak menarik perhatiannya sama sekali. Pikirannya tidak terbang bersama pesawat yang dia naiki itu. Pikirannya tertinggal di bandara, dimana dia tidak menemukan Zol dikerumunan sahabat serta keluarga yang mengantarnya pergi ke negeri paman sam itu.

Zolan Derman Hilfas. Lelaki ketiga terlama, setelah Papa dan Bang Equi, yang berada dalam sejarah kehidupannya. Mereka dipertemukan sejak bayi oleh Tuhan dengan  insiden suster yang salah memberikan bayi kepada kedua orangtua mereka. Dari sana, kedua orangtua mereka berkenalan dan menjadi sahabat karib.

Zolan, yang lebih sering dipanggil Zol, merupakan sahabat karibnya. Mereka sangat dekat sedari kecil. Walaupun Zol berdomisili di Alam Sutera dan dirinya tinggal di Gandaria, tetapi sejak kecil kedua orangtua mereka selalu berjanjian untuk bertemu dalam melakukan hal-hal penting seperti imunisasi, ulangtahun pertama, talent show, dan leadership camp. Setelah sekian lama nya hanya bertemu ketika kedua orangtua mereka mempunyai agenda bersama, akhirnya mereka bisa bertemu saat SMA. Dengan memilih sebuah SMA yang terletak di daerah Ciledug, mereka pun menjadi lebih akrab selama tiga tahun belakangan ini.

Zol selalu ada pada momen-momen penting yang ada dalam hidup Kre. Saat dia menyanyi di talent show saat SD, saat dia memenangkan lomba melukis nasional, saat dia mengambil ujian mengemudinya. Zol selalu disana dan Zol selalu mengatakan hal yang sama, “Keren banget, Kre!”

Tapi tidak hari ini.

Zol tidak datang untuk mengucapkan salam perpisahan kepadanya. Padahal, Kre tidak akan kembali dalam jangka waktu yang dekat. Kre akan berkuliah di Amerika. Dia akan belajar menjadi seorang pelukis yang handal. Hal itu sangat penting untuk hidup Kre. Dan Kre yakin, Zol juga pasti tahu.

Kre pun menutup matanya dan mengingat kembali percakapan terakhir mereka. Mereka bertemu di lapangan basket SMA mereka, tempat Zol latihan setiap sabtu nya dengan timnya. Kre masih ingat betul apa yang mereka bicarakan.

“Kapan kamu pergi nya?”
“Hari Selasa, Zol.”
“……”
“Aku bakal kangen kamu.”
“Mmhm. Kamu hati-hati disana.”
“Iya.”

Memang bukan percakapan panjang dan seru yang biasanya mereka lakukan ketika bertemu. Hal itu terjadi semenjak Zol menemukan tiket pesawat Kre terjatuh dari tas sekolahnya. Setelah mengetahui bahwa Kre akan melanjutkan pendidikannya di Amerika, Zol berubah menjadi pendiam. Menurut  Kre ini wajar karena mungkin Zol merasa sahabat karibnya akan menghilang. Namun, Kre yakin bahwa Zol pasti tidak akan terlalu memikirkannya. Zol mempunyai banyak teman. Terlebih tim basketnya yang sangat akrab itu.

Kre pun memalingkan pandangannya ke jendela. Awan putih seperti kapas terbang mengikuti pesawatnya dengan seluruh kemampuan yang dia punya. Kre sudah jauh diatas langit. Jauh dari daratan dimana Zol berpijak.

Zol.

Rasanya seperti mengambang. Tubuh ini terhempas jauh melawan gravitasi, terombang-ambing dibawa angin tanpa tujuan yang jelas.

Zol memandangi pesawat Garuda Indonesia yang sudah terlihat sangat kecil dari pandangannya. Pesawat itu membawa Crescentia Fiji Putri, wanita yang selalu berada dipikirannya selama 18 tahun umur hidupnya. Zol pun menghela napasnya panjangnya dan tersenyum kepada langit biru yang mengepungi pesawat kecil itu.

Bukan bermaksud untuk menyakiti perasaan Kre, tetapi sejujurnya, yang sakit adalah perasaan Zol. Dia tidak sanggup menahan rasa kehilangan seorang wanita yang selalu menjadi spesial dimatanya. Menurut Zol, Kre itu jantungnya. Apapun yang dia lakukan akan dia laporkan kepada Kre, begitu juga sebaliknya. Ketika Zol tahu bahwa Kre akan pergi, Zol berani bersumpah bahwa saat itu jiwanya telah mati.

Zol pun mulai membiasakan diri untuk hidup tanpa Kre. Kedengarannya memang terlalu berlebihan, namun bagi Zol memang hal itu perlu. Zol akan kehilangan seseorang yang selama ini selalu ada untuknya. Hidupnya akan menjadi berbeda. Dia perlu latihan agar terbiasa dengan rasa kehilangan itu.

Jujur, Zol awalnya tidak ingin datang ke bandara. Menurutnya, perpisahan mereka adalah hari Sabtu lalu, saat Kre mendatangi latihan basketnya di sekolah. Melihat Kre berjalan keluar gerbang sekolah dengan tas sekolahnya merupakan pemandangan yang selalu dia lihat sepulang sekolah. Tetapi pada hari itu, Zol tahu itu akan menjadi pemandangan terakhir dari adegan itu.

Zol menyukai Kre. Dia tahu dan sadar akan hal itu, namun enggan menunjukkannya. Zol paham bahwa Kre mempunyai beberapa lelaki yang pernah menjadi orang paling spesial dalam hatinya dan Zol tahu bahwa kedudukannya dengan para lelaki itu berbeda. Zol adalah sahabatnya. Tidak lebih.

Zol sedikit menyesal untuk tidak bertemu Kre hari itu. Hari terakhir yang diberikan Tuhan untuk bertemu dengan Kre secara langsung. Zol pun membayangkan rambut panjang Kre yang selalu gampang kusut setelah perjalanan yang panjang. Dia membayangkan bagaimana Kre selalu tersenyum padanya disaat mereka terjebak hujan dibawah pos satpam sekolah. Dia membayangkan tulisan tangan Kre yang selalu rapih setiap kali dia menulis di papan tulis. Zol terus membayangkan Kre hinggadirinya jatuh pada sebuah titik dimana Zol tahu, bahwa dia yang akan rindu kepadanya lebih dari Kre merindukan dirinya.

Angin pun berhembus, menerpa poni rambut Zol. Bersamaan dengan hembusan angin itu, Zol memberikan sebuah senyuman terlebarnya kepada langit biru disertai dengan sebuah frasa khasnya yang selalu dia berikan kepada Kre setiap dia berhasil melakukan sesuatu yang besar dalam hidupnya.

“Keren banget, Kre.”

Asrama Universitas Indonesia
Sunday, 7th February 2016

18.57 PM

February 06, 2016

Unexpected

winonsky.sunnypillow

I had a rough day yesterday.

If you want to know about it you can read it on my previous post. It’s the main issue of my bad day yesterday.

Anyway, today I wanted to start fresh. I want to let those things go and realize that I’ve got more important things I should be doing right now through my organization’s activities. Hence, I was about to make a ToR for my company visit to Deloitte. That’s the main goal I need to finish before this day ends.

Started the day with playing games and read some of my friends’ blog. Knowing that each of them also writes what they feel and post it to the internet made me feel that we are just normal human beings. Normal human beings who just want to socialize, share, and reenact all the things that happen in our lives to the others.

And then, like you might guess, here I am writing for my blog for the last post that I delayed for a week long. Didn’t really know if it was because of my schedule or because I didn’t have any time to just sit in front of my laptop and type all the things that is going on in my head on that time.

Then, my Mom called.

I was having a minor fight with her the other day too and to be really honest, she’s always on the right side.  I didn’t mean to exaggerate it, but it’s true. She is worried for my conditions and she always looks out for me even when we’re 18 KM apart. She’s my Mom and I love her. But sometimes I just can’t understand what are her motives on doing things and why does she’s being so strict on Islamic things and how does she transforms from the super–cool–mom to the super–religious–mom in a short notice and when would she takes some of my advice on health issues and where does she hide her pure heart under her edgy character and who wouldn’t want to have a mom like her.

She’s a mom. She’s my mom. She’s awesome.

Anyway, I picked her call while hoping that she won’t blast off my ears with coming–home–late problems again. It’s not that I don’t want to go home early or that I love the night life it’s just that as a student, most of our activities are done at night because we were looking for the time where everyone can make it and night time are like free time (and break time) for every student.

Turns out she didn’t call me for that (which made me relieved and sincere). She called me because she just found out that our catering lady died last night.

Which leads us to a more serious conversations like how death might come in anytime, things I should do if my parents died, the responsibility of me as the eldest girl to my two other sisters, how I need to get closer to Allah, how I shake my hand to my non-mahrams and she’s furious about it, how she reminds me that life is short, and how she tells me that she loves me a lot.

Which made my eyes watery. Thanks, Mom. I love you too.

And this conversation then reminds me of some of my goals for a better life.

To be a better person.
To read Quran more.
To learn about sholat and understand the importance of it.
To be a true muslimah (with syar’i clothes on).
To prepare myself for the afterlife.

Once again, thanks Mom for calling me in such a perfect time.

Death is very near to us and yet sometimes we forgot its existence in our life.
Death, the ones that I fear the most, is real and it’s coming. And I need to be prepared when it comes because there is no turning back.
Death is a very sensitive subject since we are told to be futuristic and optimist for the future, unlike death which is absolute and unpredictable.
Death is scary because of its uncertainties but also beautiful because it is certain.

And that is why death will always be the best and worse topic on my life.

Kudos.

Asrama Universitas Indonesia

Saturday, 6th of February 2016

Contribution

winonsky.sunnypillow

Apologize for not making diaries of Jalan Jalin since I’m always exhausted after those event days L

I’m not in the mood on telling how Jalan Jalin went because I have bigger issues to handle.

I am currently a member of three different organizations: IKAHIMAK3I, Nurani, and ISAFIS.

IKAHIMAK3I is a national OHS student association. I have this opportunity to be the Chief of Advocacy in the 1st Territory which consist Jakarta, Sumatera, Banten, and I forgot what else hehe. It’s a new organization and we’re currently still developing on the structures and actions that our organization is going to do. We even haven’t had our first meeting with all of the Territorial boards, a bit weird huh? Well I’m in it and I’m also weird so that’s okay J

Nurani is a faculty dakwah community that focuses on Islamic acts and issues throughout FKM. I’m one of the 5 staffs of the Syiar Media Department. Together, we will make awesome publications on Islamic issues and Nurani’s events. One of my reasons to join this organization is because my lack of knowledge of Islam. I was being very distant from my religion and I have this urgency on knowing more of Islam for the purpose of my own life (I know it sounded like I made it up but it’s the truth anyway.)

ISAFIS stands for Indonesian Student Association for International Studies. This year we have this grand goal on confirming our place in the 2017’s UN GA and we are willing to do whatever it takes to be there for the sake of our organization and also Indonesian Students’ connectivity to the UN. My division, FAIR–Foreign Affairs and Institutional Relations–is one of the most wanted divisions in the organization. My duty on FAIR is mainly about the institutional relations, especially for company visits.

Pretty sure after you read those three paragraphs you’ll go like “whoa this kid is super busy and it seems like she’s very active.”

If you’re thinking like that, yes. You are right.

But if you’re not, then that’s fine because you are also right.

I am not being busy and also active on campus.

I know that I’ve got like two national organizations which sound cool. I am also very proud of those two organizations myself. But there’s this one organization that was always been in my heart since the first time I went inside of FKM.

BEM IM FKM UI.

Alias, Universitas Indonesia Faculty of Public Health’s Executive Student Body.

Last night I was like in my deepest regrets of not applying on BEM FKM and went cursing myself for being so idealistic and unreal. Isn’t that the one thing that was always on my mind? Isn’t that the one thing that I care when I entered FKM? Isn’t that the one thing that always lifts my mood up when I was being sick of campus life?

I probably mention about my anxiety on choosing whether I should contribute to BEM FKM or BEM UI and at that time I chose to dedicate myself to BEM UI because of the vision and missions and values and experience that BEM UI will give to me. I was certain and I felt like I know what I’m doing by not applying to BEM FKM.

Then, ISAFIS’ announcement showed up. And they accepted me. Which made me happy and confuse at the same time.

At that time, I applied for ISAFIS just because when I saw ISAFIS, I think that it’s a really cool organization. I loved one of its project aka Indonesia International Week. That thing just blow me away. That thing made me fall in love with ISAFIS. And that thing is also made me realize how I wanted to connect with people with different backgrounds.

Let me tell you something I learned in a very hard way.

When you expect nothing you might gain something huge. But when you expect everything you might get nothing back.

That quote is also from one of my bestie aka Kelvin (yes, I am writing your name again on my blog) which I modified a bit according to my POV and stances.

When I applied to ISAFIS, I didn’t really expect to be accepted with such easy steps. Seriously, I didn’t feel that the application steps are hard and the interview was a bit intriguing but I guess it’s just like every other normal interviews. When I set my heart to contribute at BEM my conscious was having this vast battle between whether should I choose the University’s or Faculty’s BEM. I was thinking about it all day all night long and didn’t really come up with a fixed conclusion. I was devastated.

And after my acceptance at ISAFIS, I didn’t get to be on neither of those BEM.

It is sad. Trust me, it’s the worse. Knowing that I won’t be a member, no, a family of such meaningful organization throughout history is a major break down.

And this crazy self was letting go of BEM UI.
And this crazy self was letting go of BEM FKM.
But not for long.

After BEM FKM’s GA at Puncak, it hits me. How I was a fool on not applying to BEM FKM. How now I am jealous and upset and mad of myself for not even trying. How I stared at the walls of my room thinking that my whole efforts are useless if I didn’t join BEM FKM. How I started to water my eyes out by looking at those herds of BEM FKM’s people talking about their stuffs and kinda zone out from my life.

I will never be the same Winona to them again.

And it hurts.

Knowing that you are not a part of something major.

Knowing that you COULD be that part of something and refused because of some unclear reasons.

FYI, I am crying right now (yes, I know. Such a girl, huh?). Crying on myself. Feeling anxious. Feeling left behind.

And again, I remember one thing that just keeps me aware of my standing.

“Amanah tidak akan pernah jatuh ke orang yang salah.”

Quoted from Kelvin Halim, my dearest friend on FKM. You’re the best, Kelv. Really. Thanks.

Exploring my reasons on why I didn’t apply to BEM FKM is written below:
1.       I was pretty convinced to contribute myself on BEM UI (even though now I can’t contribute there too L)
2.       I was afraid that I can’t keep up my schedules since I’ve already had IKAHIMAK3I and Nurani in the first place (even though if I joined BEM UI it would be a lot more complicated time management)
3.       I wasn’t interested in its Sports’ Department and my heart was in love with Adkesma but I realize that the Adkesma thing is just temporary. I was more set on my own problems than others (this may sound selfish and so not me but it’s the deep dark truth).
4.       I would like to break people’s assumption on FKM students that is busy with FKM only and didn’t really like to socialize outside the faculty. We’re those homies kinds of stuffs and  I would like to break that assumption
5.       I could contribute to FKM by being a committee or volunteer on FKM’s event. Contributing doesn’t always means to get in the circle, right?
6.       I wanted to expand my networks and my assumption at that time was by being on FKM it might be a bit hard to expand it.

Those are the reasons. Maybe some of them didn’t really make sense but it was my thoughts and I am not normal so yeah don’t criticize me.

Feeling reaaaaaalllllyyyyyy relieved right now.

Asrama Universitas Indonesia
Saturday, 6th February 2016

11.52 AM