December 31, 2015

Excessive Exclamation Points.


Assalamu’alaikum! It’s me again!

It’s been a long time since I post on this blog and it seems I may have been very busy adapting to my college life. Don’t get me wrong, it’s super wonderful! I get to meet a lot of new friends with different types of minds and cultures. I’m starting to become a bit polite. Yes, that means I am controlling my manners well now and hopefully I can keep this going on.

It’s the last day on 2015 tonight and I’m sure all of you folks are out there celebrating this day with your loved ones and make great memories for all of you guys to talk about in the next morning. I spent this day on my house and, as usual, being very unproductive whilst enjoying the beauty of holiday in my bed. Actually, no, I haven’t step on my bed until 10 minutes ago when I open my laptop. Today, I was busy cleaning the house and preparing some stuff my sisters are going to bring to their dorms such as their large amount of clothes that needs to be ironed. Nonetheless, I was busy ironing some shirts when the iron decides to not to do its’ job and breakdown once and for all. Now my parents are out for a search for a new iron and I’m left alone at home with Jennifer and Victoria, my little sisters.

There’s a lot to say actually then my unproductive days of holidays. I’d like to mention one of those as friends.

Recently one of my friends are having a problem with his dad and also his friends so he came to me asking for advice (or when I think about it, he just wants me to hear his stories but I was too kindly giving him long text advices haha) and he acts arrogantly upon it. I mean, why? WHY? What’s your point on telling me your problems when he himself doesn’t want to know the solution of the problem? Geez, he’s getting on my nerves real quick like a thunderbolt striking it’s volts to a tree.
Anyhow, he also explains that he feels such as he doesn’t have any friends. This dude is probably smoking pots since he knows I’m his bestfriend and also five other buys out there that happened to be on the same group as we are. We’re his besties and suddenly he said he doesn’t have any friends at all? I don’t know how to react.

I’m being super excessive about this matter, and I don’t know why.

Probably it’s because this one significant person haven’t grow up to take responsibilities for himself.
Let me tell you one thing that I hate about guys, they always find excuses for things they aren’t good at. My little fellow over here always gave excuses on every single thing he’s facing, every single one of them. He’s never being serious on one thing, he never even try! He faces exams as if they were just water on the puddle. He never knew that the puddle could also make him wet and dirty. He’s taking remedials and skipping class. You guys might think he’s out there doing nasty things but no. All he did is staying at his room watch some anime series. Super unproductive.
I don’t mean to judge but I myself too also do those things frequently, him? He does it every day and didn’t even feel to do something productive. Not even a slight chance. Weird and uncool, if you ask me.

Enough of him, I might blast this head off with those stupid short response that keeps my phone buzzing and my blood pressure rising.

Gosh, I’m so being a girl right now.

What happened with having manners and keeping my cool and not telling personal stories on the blog?

Yeah, that isn’t gonna happen tonight. Besides, it’s my blog so I can do anything I want. It’s not like someone out there is reading this weird post. If you are reading, I’m sorry for such uncool way of writing. I’m filled with madness right now so that explains it, eh?

The other thing I want to talk to is religion.

I am a muslim and my religion is Islam. Islam means peace and I believe that it’s the sole purpose of my religion upon humans and earth.

Tolerance on beliefs is very high in Indonesia. Sadly, some of this unrighteous people spread bad issues about some certain religions, probably Islam and Christian, just to set out conflicts between us and make us mad with each other. I see those kinds of things on LINE posts in my timeline and all I can think of is just why? Why do you people bother to make us fight when even the data that you made isn’t quite right? Why do you bother to see us hate each other?

Not to mention, some ‘logical’ people starts to point out things that are called imposturous acts of belief upon some religions. They went hubba-hubba-blob and concise that religions isn’t true and it’s just some kind of law of nature for us humans to feel puny and make beliefs on the God or Gods or Goddesses that we worship upon. We get it, you don’t believe on our religion. Let us live our religious life safely and we’ll let you live your life as freely as you want. Don’t push us to be something we’re not.

Whew, I’m glad I got that out of my system.

The third one is a slight private matter but I’m gonna go for it anyway.

I think I’m in love

With this person

Which I’m not

Gonna tell you.

Gosh, I am such a girl tonight.

I’m sorry for this weird post. Let’s just say it’s my goodbye post of the 2015, capishe?

Home Sweet Home

Thursday, December 31, 2015 – 21.08 PM.

November 22, 2015



Here's the thing, everyone changes whether you like it or not.

Most of my friends were being too naive they thought that we won't change even though we went to the same school play with the same friends all over again. Everyone changes. I do, you do, he does, she does, that boy who you likes also changes.

Recently I've just finished reading a manga called Ao Haru Ride. The story's about a girl who likes a boy back at junior high school. the boy also likes her back but eventually they're relationship never went anywhere since the boy moves to another town. They meet again at high school and both of them weren't the same person as they were on junior high. The girl went from super feminine and soft to this weird and absurd girl who eats a lot and acts all boyish. The boy went from super nice and warm to this cold and rock-hearted boy who gets blunt to everyone. Eventually lots of things happen and they realize that their feelings were still the same and leas back to them being in love all over again.

I know, it's a shoujo manga. It always ends perfectly.

But life isn't always like that.

Life is this gigantic rollercoaster ride where it just keeps on going, giving surprises to you and expecting you to deal with it nicely. You never know what's coming, you never know how to deal with things since you've got no life101manuals, you never know how the outcome will effects on your progress. Unlike games where you get achievements when you do great or probably stupid things, those achievements were mostly earned through the things that you weren't meant to do in the first place.

Being one of the Basketball Committee on OlimpiadeUI is one of the example. I thought I was going to be friends with guys who understands basketball a lot and learn about great leadership skills from the Chief Committee. Turns out I learned to do my college tasks first in hand so I can focus on my duties at the field, learns about the technicals of a basketball game from the referee, and learn great leadership from UI's Chief Department of Sports than my Chief Committee.

Life is full of surprises. Be prepared. Surprises are always there in every corner.

Set you goals as high as you can. Life might break it down to pieces and gave you litttle bits of it, but in the end life always gives you more.

I know what I'm writing right now is probably the most bullshit post I've ever post since ever. I don't even know what my motives are until now.

"Life is only what you make it now," - Miley Cyrus (The Time of Our Lives)

Speaking of Miley Cyrus, look at her. I liked style her back when she became Hannah Montana. She's all cute, rock-styled, country, sweet girl. She was my role model. I literally wanted to be like her and Lizzie Mcguire, having another life and having the best of both worlds. Geez, they sang so cool and they have these amazing friends and outfits.

Looking at the present Cyrus, I kinda understand how she feels though. Chances that she was told to act up all girly and cute by the Hannah Montana crew are like 98% so when Hannah Montana's over surely she can be any person she wants to be. She choose to be chaotic, absurd, weird, person with a slight better fashion taste then Lady Gaga on her The Fame album.

Still, I liked Cyrus' songs now than the Hannah Montana version. Her songs now speaks her mind. Her music style is also cool. I like her better already. I just don't have to see her perform live cause I'll be sick by her 'vulgar' performances like twerking.

The main point is: everyone changes. Whether it's minor like my grades *sobbing inside* or major like Cyrus. Depends on how you deal with those problems that came to you, the decisions you make also affects on your personality.

I used to think I would love a save button at life. I could just reload on my previous progress when I felt I did bad on life. The thing is, I'll be revisiting the past so much and change my future quite a lot in anykind of aspects I was affecting. That's totally bad. Life is about moving forward, not making the past great but making the future awesome.

Only Allah and I know the reasons why I typed the previous sentence. It's so weird I'm even laughing right now.

Well good day to you all. I'm heading back to my life now. Don't quit life. Cherish the moments. You're only living it once so make it worth your while :)

October 02, 2015

Yes, You remember.



I know it's late. It's very late but yet these eyelids won't close themselves for tonight. For no particular reason, I just can't sleep tonight.

There's a lot of things flying through my mind right now and probably most of them are due tomorrow. Being a college student isn't easy but it's also not the hardest thing for me to do. I mean come on I picked OHS of UI for a damn reason. God put me here for a reason. And I know why.

To make a change for my better self.

Remember when you were suicidal and almost cut your arteriole but then you back up realizing the knife was sharp? Remember when you cry yourself to sleep for that reason all over again and ending up punishing yourself by hitting yourself over and over again? Remember when that mentor of yours who was brave enough to harass you and all you could do was cry about it for days? Remember when everything was done by you and yet you had no time to take a break yet it was exam week? Remember when you just don't understand how they work and kept blaming the world for that thing? Remember when you used to lie about everything because you thought your life wasn't good enough and those sick imagination of yours was? Remember when you hate jilbab for like months and started to went out alone all by yourself without your hijab just to prove yourself to the world that you're not as weird as they thought you would be?

Yes. you remember.

But God showed you the truth. Wait. No, I'll stop using the term God from now on. Remember why you switched the term Allah to God? Yes. For that particular reason that was so stupid that even you and that person would look back and laughed about it all over again.

Allah showed you the truth
Allah showed you the way.

Remember when you almost drowned yourself to death and thought the last words you said to your mom wasn't good enough? Remember when you got hit by a motorcycle and cried at the musholla for a full hour trembling and thanking Allah how you were glad you survived? Remember when you earned your best when you did everything by your own? Remember when you won your first speech contest and can't stop smiling to the certificate that you hugged on your way home? Remember when you got accepted at KidZania Congrezz Indonesia? Remember when you stand up for yourself and earned your own results? Remember when you teach people 20-30 years older than you and yet they still respect you? Remember when you sung those songs that only you and Allah know what it means for yourself? Remember when you write posts about how glad you were seeing your sisters sleep next to you and how lucky you were being their big sister?

Yes, you remember.

It's not life everything is alright. It's not life if you're staying on one same spot for your whole year. It's not life if you're not moving and contributing yourself to the people.

It's life when things go down and you build it all by yourself again. It's life when you thank Allah for the little things that you've always forgot on your daily basis. It's life when you just smile when problems kept coming on.

Allah is always near His creatures who remembered and thanked for the short life He gave to them. Allah is always near you, it's your own choice to believe in Him or not. He's always there when you cry for help and when you cry your tears of joy. Allah's always there for you.

Allah. I love you. I really do.

2nd October 2015, 2:26
Asrama Universitas Indonesia


Anyway if you came here for the story, I'll keep writing but not this year. College is definitely a busy world and I'm still adapting on the conditions that I'm facing right now. I'll probably write by the end of December 2015.

Very sorry for the late update. It's been years, I know. Let's just cherish the days we're given by Allah right now :)